April 22, 2006 Friends Written 30 days ago Have you ever noticed that food is a lot like friends? Like my friends it speaks to me in a familiar language only we can understand. Nabisco, Oreo, and Fig Newton call to me from across a crowded room and ask me if I would like to join them in just a little fun . Cheez -It , Lays, and Doritos, want so much to comfort me when I'm feeling a little low. Food, like friends, is very social. It’s invited to all the good parties, and it never comes alone. What’s a chip without dip or steak without potatoes? Food, in all its glory, has become synonymous with fellowship in good Christian circles where only the best dressed dishes are prominently displayed on a buffet table. Like friends it has its season where you see more of some and less of others when they are available. Food, like friends, has the ability to warm your heart and leave you satisfied or leave you feeling like you’ve just had enough. Food, like a good friend, will be there for you when you’re hungry , tired , lonely or sad to fill that emotional void that you feel you just can’t handle on your own. On the other hand, when you learn to value food like friends, you come to find out that you need to eat to live not live to eat. Food, like friends, becomes more of an accent to your already complete life. You want to talk to them, you don’t need to. You find comfort and love from the fact that you connect with people, you don’t indulge in them. Swimming, walking and lifting weights become your companions in times of distress, and you find pleasure in them. There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, and I have come to realize that it’s not food. Food and I are becoming reacquainted, and I had to let a few of my old buddies go – the ones that left me drained, and lifeless. My new friends are fresh, vibrant, full of color and life and leave me feeling so much better, some people even say they give me a beautiful glow. Marie

April 8, 2006 American Beauty Written 44 days ago When I was in college, in Rhode Island, back in the 1980’s, I was traveling home to Boston one weekend when a young handsome man I believe to be of Arab decent walked back to where I was sitting and simply said in his very alluring accent "You are a very beautiful woman". He disappeared as quickly as he came but nothing has had a more profound effect on me in terms of feeling beautiful than that one obscure moment. For so many years the standard of American beauty has been the total opposite of me. I am thankful to have grown up with very healthy role models, in a community that embraced women who looked like me with open arms. Nothing hurts more than knowing that you are being rejected for who you are at that moment, not who you could be, or who you aspire to be by someone else’s standards. American Idol, the number one rated television show in America, is by all accounts a singing contest that promises it's contestants a shot at the Big Time. This year one of the contestants, Mandissa, a very beautiful, very large, young, black woman with a voice that could wake the dead just got voted off the show. Mandissa made it to the top ten despite the fact that she did not fit the standard of what the image of beauty looks like in America. She was told this in the beginning of the show. Oh, how I can relate to Mandissa. She described her food addiction - giving into every indulgence and craving, something I have developed over the years. I was so impressed by her willingness to express to all of America what has brought her through, and how she is so thankful. Mandissa, like me, realizes it's about being Healthy, and letting love be your guide in all that you do. Mandissa may have lost the contest, but she gained the admiration and respect of thousands. She has been offered countless opportunities to be the spokeswoman for millions of beautiful, big women like me, and also to live out her dreams. I look forward to the day when I have found personal success from the Health Makeover Challenge, and I can truly feel that I am accepted, not just by those who know and love me, but by all America just because of who I am. Marie

Beautiful People If you’ve ever said “ If only I where thin …” or “when I make a million dollars I’ll be….” or “ If I land that great job I would….” . We have all been there we assume when we achieve a certain amount of success we will feel “Happy” or “Content”. This weekend I traveled to New York City to attend my brother James ( J2) short for James the second and his fiancée Tia’s engagement party. It would be the first time in a little over a year that all of my siblings and I would be in the same room in the same state no less and I was excited. All week long my sisters and I discussed what we would wear and how happy we would be to take pictures together and catch up on what has been going on. We planned to take a family photo and I was pleased to have shed a few pounds and was eager to show off the new me - forty one pounds to be exact. Rayne and I would drive down together without the children. It was a real opportunity to relax and talk to one another without the everyday interruptions. For about a week I said to anyone who would listen “If we could only get in the car everything will be alright”. I knew from past experience that when we have been working nonstop and at the end of our rope desperately in need of some down time there is a chance that with one small word we could get into an argument. “If we could only get in the car” I thought. Well we got into the car and traveled without incident all the way to New York we talked, sang, and listened to tapes of sermons from the previous weeks at church. We were full, relaxed, happy to be getting away. Then came the bridge we had to go over the George Washington bridge. Rayne was driving at the time. It was his first time driving in New York City actually it was his first time in New York City and driving through a Major city. What was I thinking? I thought this would be great experience for him. So what he never did It before It would be easy. Hundreds of frustrated drivers frantically speeding trying to get to Broadway, Yankee Stadium, Central Park or wherever the heck they were going. They were infringing on my peace, my time! I will leave out the gory details but let’s just say all hell broke loose in my car. Fast forward a few hours we were now in NYC, 745 Park Ave the Penthouse you would have to see it to believe it. Not that I don’t get out much but this place was something to behold. Twenty stories up atop Manhattan sit’s a spacious beautiful home filled with love and laughter and room after room of beautiful artwork and furnishings. Luxurious, massive, but yet comfortable and secure. I entered and the look upon my face must have said it all because the Host greeted me and said “ You don’t look happy you must be Marie” I looked around to see a room full of beautiful people laughing at her snide comment and I was humiliated. I nodded in agreement. She offered me a glass of white wine in hopes to help me to feel better she knew we had traffic problems. I said I didn’t drink and she walked away as if to say I don’t know how to help you then. My siblings rushed to me and greeted me with smiles and kisses they looked beautiful and so did I but my spirit was not in line with my body. You see I discovered a long time ago that I am a spirit, I live in a physical body and I have a soul. The three are separate but they all should operate in proper order and relationship to one another. I was a mess. I had spent so much time worrying about the physical and how I could coordinate my look to match my sisters for the photo that I neglected to feed the spirit. Sure I had prayed on the way but I prayed for protection and when I tell you God answered that one I mean It. Remember the drive into NYC. I had listened to the word of God and sang praise songs most of the way. I was in the most beautiful house with folks that showed up dressed to impress and full of joy and I was a mess. We have a saying amongst some of my girlfriends and I and it say’s “ God don’t bless no mess” I could have blamed it on my husband or lack of sleep or the most obvious PMS but I couldn’t because like the scripture say’s “I have put all things under my feet“. No excuses my spirit was out of order and all I had to do was pray body submit to my soul, soul submit to my spirit and spirit submit to the Holy Spirit of the only living God and I was o.k. I had to get into alignment. What good is it to be beautiful on the outside and full of anger and rage on the inside or whatever is on the inside of you. A good name is worth more than silver and gold and I don’t want my name to be synonymous with anger or any other negative behavior. I want to be filled with the fruits of the spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Goodness, and kindness. We ended up having a beautiful time with the beautiful people, the host and I bonded and I even had a chance to share how I make it through with a two year old at this age and how with the help of God I am getting healthier everyday we laughed as we shared and I even forgave her for telling the truth (HA, HA). Rayne and I made up on the terrace over looking the city full of lights and my siblings and I took many pictures with my son Jason and his Fiancée Amy and my parents all three of them and our spouses. What fun! ( The address is fictional for obvious reasons)

Do you know why the caged bird sings? There is no doubt that these days I have more pep in my step. I move about with a greater sense of purpose. I walk with my head held higher and my smile is brighter. The way I feel is reflected in how I relate to people , how I care for my children, labor in my garden, and complete the many task that are always before me. I am free. I am on a mission to tap into my greater purpose and it is not only to loose weight and to get healthier but that is the means by which I, with the help of God will have the strength to get there. Recently I was asked to define my purpose to give it a voice that would help direct and guide me on my journey. A brief mantra if you will. After thinking about it for a short while this came to me. “To win the lost to Jesus Christ by being honest, transparent, and real using the spoken, written and poetic word to deliver His message and by not being afraid to change and be changed and discover what is great about myself and others“. There are some things that we know about ourselves even before others define us. I know that I always speak my mind and I try to do it in love , I know that I am about as real as it gets, I know there is very little that I hide and I will always tell someone, I know that I always pray for change, to be transformed into his likeness, and that I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it I was meant to inspire to touch the heart and deliver a message sometimes that message gets clouded and distorted but when I am in the spirit it flows like a river of living water. The caged bird sings because although it is locked up and is not free to fly at will It refuses to be silenced it recognizes that It still has value and it can add beauty to the world with song. Excess weight is a cage but while I’m working on the change, the transformation. I will sing of freedom through words and thought , I will sing of freedom through proclaiming His name and sharing what God has done for me. Will you sing with me?